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Красава
2018-01-29- Ура, он меня не разлюбил, он просто в реанимации! Я такая счастливая!
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С тех пор, как начал подрабатывать таксистом, стараюсь переходить улицу только по пешеходным переходам со светофорами.
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Утро. В постели лежат режиссер и молодая актриса. Она, давясь слезами:
- Что ж ты, урод, сразу не сказал, что ты мультипликатор?! allanecdots.ru
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- Вот мой муж, никогда на меня не кричит. А еще, он никогда не матерится и не грубит никому. И за компом не сидит вообще. А еще, он мне не изменяет и не ходит по пивнушкам всяким! Правда он лапочка?
- Эмммм... Потыкай в него палкой. Он, походу, сдох... allanecdots.ru
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Соседка попросила знакомого программу установить на ноуте. Он всё сделал, и на заставку поставил фотку своего котёнка. Его друг посмотрел, поставил вместо котёнка огромный чл н. Знакомый не заметил и отдал ноут.
Она через час звонит: allanecdots.ru
- Саша, а чёй ЭТО, на экране?
- Мой! Приходи, дам погладить!
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- Где это ты ребро сломал?
- Да в собственной постели. allanecdots.ru
- И как же ты умудрился?
- Да вот прижался я к своей бабе и говорю: "Маш, дай...". Ну, она мне и дала со всего размаха локтем!
- Вот зараза! Это она всегда так тебе дает?
- Нет, только когда имена путаю.
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- Вот зараза! Это она всегда так тебе дает? - Нет, только когда имена путаю." data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/78563/" data-title="Пошлые 16+" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> |
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В аэропорту "Внуково" был задержан контрабандист N, который опроверг русскую народную поговорку "Откуда в жопе алмазы?!"
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Чтобы в животе вырос арбуз, недостаточно проглотить косточку, нужно еще ее ежедневно поливать тремя литрами пива.
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У долгожителей линия жизни на ладони заканчивается подмышкой.
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- Девушка, разрешите пришвартоваться?
- Ну, давайте конец. allanecdots.ru
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