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Георгий
2019-06-25«Тоже неплохо!» - сказал отец сыну, бросив камень в собаку, а попав в тёщу.
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Фестиваль пива закончился скверно - в гараж пришла жена.
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Жена - мужу:
- Дорогой, у нас пылесос сломался! allanecdots.ru
- А что с ним?
- Да ни в какую не сосёт!
- Ага! Правда, прям бесит, да?!.
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Объявление.
Найден мобильный телефон. Просьба к хозяину: сообщить пин-код за вознаграждение. allanecdots.ru
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- Семён Маркович, как часто вы соглашаетесь со своей женой?
- Никогда! allanecdots.ru
- И как она к этому относится?
- Никак, она об этом не знает!
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Зашел как-то молодой еврей в магазин антиквариата. Не спеша осмотрел товар на прилавках, и собрался было уходить, как в дверях заметил милую кошечку, лакающую молоко из красивого дорогого фарфорового блюдца.
Прикинув стоимость того блюдца, он обратился к продавцу: allanecdots.ru
- Здравствуйте, уважаемый. В вашей лавке такая милая кошечка живет, а я вот человек одинокий, ни детей,
ни внуков у меня нет, ни домашних питомцев. Может, вы мне её отдадите?
- Не могу, эту кошку очень любят мои юные посетители, которые часто приходят её покормить и поиграться.
- Ох, но мне она так в душу запала, уверен мы с ней подружимся и у меня дома ей тоже будет хорошо. Я могу заплатить 20 шекелей.
- Что вы! Она не продается.
В итоге они сошлись на 200 шекелях. Покупатель берет кошку на руки и интересуется:
- Я видел, этой кошечке нравилось пить из вон того блюдца, она наверняка к нему уже привыкла. Может быть вы и его мне отдадите?
- Не могу.
- А за 20 шекелей отдадите?
- Нет-нет. Это блюдце из очень дорогого китайского фарфора 12 века с золотой росписью и драгоценными камнями, оно стоит очень дорого. А кошек по 200 шекелей я уже 85 штук продал.
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- Могу ли я считаться Санта-Клаусом, если на меня работают шесть оленей?
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Девочка, у которой всю жизнь были рыбки, плакала, когда пельмени всплывали.
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Жена не давала развод.
Жена не давала, развод. allanecdots.ru
Одна маленькая запятая, а как меняется смысл.
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Девушка на приёме у гинеколога.
- Доктор, я каждое утро во влагалище нахожу маленькую почтовую марку. Посмотрите, уже целый альбом набрала. allanecdots.ru
- Это не марки, а наклейки от бананов. Вот вам направление к окулисту. Следующий!
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- Где скачать руководство по расчленению трупов?
- Тебе заняться что ли нечем? allanecdots.ru
- Как раз-таки есть, но надо найти руководство...
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