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petrosyan
2019-11-12Врач:
- Ну-с, батенька, как вы слышите с новым слуховым аппаратом? allanecdots.ru
- Много лучше, доктор. Я уже три раза менял завещание!
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- Сколько у нас товара на складе?
- Не знаю я. allanecdots.ru
- Ну примерно?
- Да сказал же: не знаю!
- Ну, хоть грубо скажи...
- Да хрен его знает!
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- Эта долька для ежа, эта долька для чижа, эта долька для утят, эта долька для котят...
- Дед, может ты все-таки перепишешь завещание? allanecdots.ru
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- Привет, я вот дом построил.
- А сколько комнат? allanecdots.ru
- Одна.
- Ну-у правильно,... меньше и смысла нет.
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Накануне свадьбы родители жениха и невесты собрались в церкви на репетицию свадебной церемонии. Невеста подходит к алтарю в сопровождении своего отца, который интересуется у жениха: - Это здесь она должна вынуть руку из моего кармана и положить в твой?
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Умная женщина сначала делает комплимент мужчине: - Знаешь, мне так хорошо с тобой, так надёжно! А у тебя ещё много денег осталось?
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Сегодня в столовке у кассирши не оказалось сдачи, и она просто отхлебнула борща.
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- Купите у нас лотерейный билет! Купите!
Главный приз - автомобиль! allanecdots.ru
- Не нужен мне автомобиль. Я люблю ходить пешком.
- А вы все равно купите, не все же выигрывают...
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Иногда мне кажется, что у меня совсем нет той ноги, с которой нужно вставать каждое утро, чтобы день был хороший.
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Соседка жалуется:
- К нам свекровь на неделю приехала. Живет два дня, а уже так достала. Суп я готовлю, видите ли, не так. Мол, это не еда, а отрава. allanecdots.ru
Дал ей совет:
- А ты, когда варишь суп, попробуй изображать злодейский смех каждый раз, когда добавляешь какой-нибудь ингредиент.
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