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2021-03-02- Дорогой, а что ты будешь делать, если я вдруг умру?
- Немедленно застрелюсь. allanecdots.ru
- Ах, как романтично! Но у тебя же нет ни ружья, ни пистолета.
- У кого-нибудь одолжу. Потом отдам.
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Влюбленный юноша говорит девушке:
- Знаешь, я уже неделю хочу что-то у тебя спросить, да все не решаюсь... allanecdots.ru
- Спрашивай смело, - говорит она, - ответ у меня готов уже месяц назад.
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Разделение труда в семье. Муж выносит мусор, жена выносит мозг.
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- Господин директор, почему у вас в зоопарке так часто меняются сторожа?
- Социальное давление коллектива. Долго не выдерживают - звереют! allanecdots.ru
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Как говорила моя интеллигентная бабушка, если ещё немного потерпеть, можно обосраться.
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- А шо это у вас в молочном отделе лежит сало, намазанное клубничным вареньем?
- Це ж новинка! Йогурт 100% жирности! allanecdots.ru
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- Дорогая... Мы уже 5 лет, как вместе...
- Да, милый! allanecdots.ru
- Знаешь, я думаю, пришло время внести ясность в наши отношения.
- Я так ждала этого!
- И я долго думал над этим и сегодня, наконец, пришел день, когда я хочу задать тебе этот вопрос...
- Я тебя слушаю, радость моя!
- А как вообще-то тебя зовут?
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- Дед, я никогда не слышал, чтобы женщины пукали.
- Вот ты сначала женись, а потом мы с тобой поговорим. allanecdots.ru
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Едем недавно в лифте. Заходит тётя, у неё звонит телефон. Отвечает:
- Я сейчас не могу говорить, я в лифте еду, и вообще, у меня полные сумки рук. allanecdots.ru
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- Здравствуйте, Семен Семенович!
- Дамочка, вы, наверное, обознались? allanecdots.ru
- Ну что вы, Семен Семенович, я же ваша соседка по даче.
- Разве? А ну-ка, нагнитесь. О-о, здравствуйте Марья Ивановна!
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