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Gergt
2014-08-24- Мам, хочу татуировку…
- Неси ремень, щас набьем! allanecdots.ru
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- Однажды Господь спросил меня, чего я хочу больше: хорошую память или большой член?
- И что же ты выбрал? allanecdots.ru
- Я не помню.
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Если вы ударили оппонента по левой щеке, а он вам подставил правую - врежьте ему снова по левой, чтобы не умничал.
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- Боря, ви можете мне починить розетку!?
- У вас есть Фима, пусть он починит! allanecdots.ru
- Ему нельзя, его может убить током!
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Живешь в России?
В твоем подъезде несколько лет не делали ремонт? allanecdots.ru
Нарисуй на стене флаг Украины. Через час ты не узнаешь свой подъезд.
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Казалось бы, перевернутый мир - это где рыбы высоко летают, птицы глубоко плавают, а на заборе слово МЕЛ написано х%%м.
На самом деле, перевернутый мир - это где инкассаторы занимаются вооруженными грабежами, следователи прокуратуры садятся на 9 лет за взятки, сотрудники allanecdots.ru
ГИБДД по пьяни давят людей, а офицеры наркоконтроля умирают от передоза в ведомственной сауне.
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Сотрудник налоговой инспекции, отправляясь с женой на костюмированный вечер, нарядился вампиром: в черной накидке, с клыками и бросающейся в глаза "кровью" на когтях из папье-маше. Когда они вошли в бар, знакомый бармен, оглядев его, поинтересовался:
- Прямо с работы? allanecdots.ru
| - Прямо с работы?" data-url="https://allanecdots.ru/32864/" data-title="Разные" data-image="https://allanecdots.ru/smajlik.jpg" data-services="whatsapp,vkontakte,collections,facebook,odnoklassniki,moimir,gplus,twitter,lj,viber,telegram" data-limit="3"> | Комментировать |
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Дочь просыпается в 2 часа ночи:
- Мама, расскажи мне сказку! allanecdots.ru
- Спи, Папа утром придет, расскажет нам обеим...
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Роддом. Подъезжает Бентли. Выбежавший охранник, открывает дверь. Вылезает навороченный мужик с огромным букетом, поднимает голову, ищет кого-то в окнах, и не найдя начинает орать - ЗАЕБАЛА! Вокруг мертвая тишина. Тогда громче - ЗА Е БА ЛА! Охранник тихо, трогая за рукав: - Дмитий Иванович. ИЗАБЕЛЛА!!!
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-Что везём?
- Сало. allanecdots.ru
- Сколько?
- Пять метров
- ??? Откройте чемодан.
Действительно, в чемодане пятиметровый рулон сала.
- Но как?!
- Всё очень просто. Берётся маленький поросёнок, задние ножки замуровываются в цементе, а миска с едой каждый день отодвигается всё дальше и дальше.
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Французский посол на одной из выпивок у Александра III спрашивает: - Ваше величество, это правда, что у вас в России гречку едят?
- Да, а что? allanecdots.ru
- А у нас во Франции эту гадость только скотине дают. Александр III, почесав затылок, спрашивает у посла: - Мосье, это правда, что у вас во Франции лягушек едят?
- Да, а что?
- А у нас в России эту гадость даже скотина не ест.
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