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2012-11-12Услышав утром фразу: "Дорогой, я беременна", Вадим ещё двое суток притворялся спящим.
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Идет траурная процессия..
Вдруг зятю умершей птичка на голову накакала, зять поднимает голову в небо и говорит allanecdots.ru
- теща, вы уже там?
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Немецкие режиссеры эротического кино взялись за экранизацию поэмы Лермонтова "Бородино". Первые две серии полностью посвящены строчке "Смешались в кучу кони, люди".
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Муж с женой.
Муж: дорогая,а сколько у тебя мужиков было, только честно, я все равно не обижусь? allanecdots.ru
- семь.
- значит я седьмой?
- нет, четвертый...
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- Что там за шум на улице, Бэрримор?
- Это гей парад, сэр. allanecdots.ru
- И чего же они требуют, Бэрримор?
- Однополой любви, сэр.
- Им разве кто-то запрещает?
- Нет, сэр.
- Так почему же все-таки они шумят?
- Пид*расы, сэр
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С друзьями гуляли, было достаточно поздно, недалеко от Макдональдса...
- Интересно, а Макдональдс работает? allanecdots.ru
- Окошко работает.
- Я хочу в туалет, зачем мне окошко?..
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Ложусь спать, муж уже дремлет и сквозь сон:
— Светтт… allanecdots.ru
Меня аж подбросило, я ему хрясь по лбу, он бедолага глаза выпучил:
— За что?
Я ему:
— Какая еще на хрен Света, я Катя
— Какая ты на хрен Катя, ты ДУРА! Свет выключи!
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Бабушка читает внуку сказку:
- Вышел добрый молодец в чисто поле и как закричал зычным голосом. allanecdots.ru
- Бабушка, а как это "зычным голосом"?
- Ну типа ЭГЕ-ГЕЙ, ёб твою мать!
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— Солнышко, ты будешь кофе?
— Да, дорогой! allanecdots.ru
— Да не, это я сам с собой разговариваю...
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— Вы закончили мой портрет?
— Да, вот. allanecdots.ru
— Но тут же просто написано "мудак"!
— Я художник, я так вижу...
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